a StUp|d GuY |n @ sTuPId WOr|d...

Monday, May 09, 2005

MY TOOTH!!!!!!!
i am so suay...

today during lunch....

i had chicken chop...

then while eating...

i accidentally bite the folk....

then ARGH!!! OUCH!!!!

then i felt something in between the teeth...

when i "pui" it out... it looked like a rice grain...

but it is a chip off my tooth...

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pain....

now my tongue move over the part can feel the edge...

sobx... :(
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 8:23 PM

Friday, May 06, 2005

i am not in existence...
well... today... was considered alright ba... i guess...

hmm... not much events... nothing to be happy about... maybe only the excitement of hearing that there is training tmr...

haiz... it seems so contradicting.... my behaviour lately... the things i do... then when they say they wan me back... i dun see a purpose.... i can sit beside them for a whole 2 hours... and we say zero sentence... almost no conversation... except telling them its the wrong book they are looking at??

haiz... more and more people knows bout my behaviour le.... people that knows full story.. xinyu... cheryl... bei en... hmmm... tian2 i not sure wat she knows.... haiz... all of them understand... i think... and i am making sense... it doesnt matter... whether i am there or not... even someone who sits so far away realises.... i guess it is almost impossible for me to go back le... and i see no need for me to do that...

wat is me? i call people to inform them things... but wat is the use.... they dun care.... a missed call is so not important... so be it... why should i be so good at keep a look out for them... why am i so stupid.... haiz... stop thinking that shit man... zhen you... u are one big sucker la.... and oh pls .... why do u worry for others... when they dun even recognise ur existence... it is all in the past le la.... so wat if u really care... they dun need it le la... yes.. the teachers pass things down for u to carry out... u dun wan to .... bcoz u are not a CL A rep... then let the teachers know... fuck.... y are u so hesitant... bcoz u dun wan her to feel bad? bcoz u dun wan to help her... watever... no one understands... even i dun... argh!!!! wat is the use of asking me back... when i am not needed... not important... and no one cares... u all can go to the extreme far end for all i care... i know wat i wan... and i hope to keep this going... dun wan to fail myself... my parents.. those who cares for me anymore...

i guess i am the first to realise this ba... u all never know? nvm if u really care... u can ask me.. i will tell... no longer keeping it a secret... i am at peace now... totally calm... and everyone knows that... but i dun know if u all will come to this... aiya... stupid la you... caring about people again... u mentioned that they dun care le marhx... forget it man... idiot...

stress!!! everyone can see y now right... even mdm tan mentioned in class le... all the teachers are watching me.... but... y only me?!?! pls.. i do care bout him... i really worry... but wat can i do... he doesnt seem to understand... and i dunno how to say it out... nvm then... people.. those who understands... pls help me out ba... i dun mean help me.. but help him... bcoz i have realised... but he doesnt seem to... a chance given doesnt come by again so easily...

i went to ask mr kooi bout tutorial today... ya the latest one tutorial 10... i know abit kiasu... bcoz people are still working on tutorial 9... but i got to do wat... nvm... then he is such a great teacher.. love him man... and i asked him wat is the requirements to take S paper... wow... the criteria is so high.. but i guess that will make me work harder... promos... 80 and above... nice target...

all the things that are happening... all the things u care for... is that wat u really want? are u living in ur world? who are u? or maybe u should ask wat are u?
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 8:44 PM

Thursday, May 05, 2005

wooo hoo.... NYDB.....
haha... today had training... i feel great happy.... exhilerating... i love dragon boat....

did quite alot sia... ghaha... ran vertical dist then did sets...
haha... well today i pushed hard... and i did... wat i could not in the past... haha... so many push ups.... i can do so many... i am so surprised.... i didnt know that my body has gone through that much.. i love this feeling... it gives me so much drive to continue to work harder...... yeah.....

NYDB jia you!!!!!!! love u muackx muackx.... hahahahahahahha......
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 9:59 PM

Saturday, April 30, 2005

why cant i get tired enough....
wah today went for training again... yeahx... haha... hmmm... but today de training xiong sia... haiz... started off with a 4.4km de warm up.... kaox... that was great sia.... then we did warm up... follwed by a hundred push ups for punishment for some of them being late... but as a team... we do all things together.. yeah..NYDB team spirit rox.... haha...

oh.. then after training i went to sembawang to play bball.... haha.... a bit crazy... but still can take it.. juz kind of cant stand the sun burnt effect on my skin... haiz... kinda sad... i purposely engage myself in so much things hoping to get myself tired.... but... in the end... i understand y others always say... if u try hard to forget... all the more u will think of it....
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 11:27 PM

Friday, April 29, 2005

my way?
woo... today was a long day sia... hmmm.. i studied till 8.30 pm in school today... nice... fruitful... haha... i did my latest maths tutorial... halfway done le... hehe... fast sia... juz got it today wors... hahahaha... hmmm... i love maths.... haha... then i revised my econs... nice... though i only did demand... but feels great... haha...

hmmm... today was a total loner day.... haha... yeah... avoiding so many things around.... haha... erm... but... all i did was walk on my own... go and do my pull-ups... haha... so happy... today is record breaking... i did 60 at the assisted machine... haha.. i will improve very soon de... jia you....

oh had a chat with bei en after the e-project thingy... oh.. nice girl to chat with... she understands me very well sia... surprised... hmm... she brought up something... worth thinking about.. she said is it worth it for me to isolate myself and forgone other frenships... juz bcoz of somethings that i wan to avoid... but i answered her straight that... i dun mind... for i am not avoiding 1 thing.... but many contributing to this state.... wat a good listener... haha... hmmm.. got chance then talk again ba... my new ah lian classmate... haha... maybe can intro u to our 1st 3 months de ah lian next time... haha...

avoiding or running away... there is no diffierence.. u can do all the things u like and i dun care... u can walk ur way and behave like u wan... but that does not affect me... i am a loner... juz dun take my MD, and notes away.... i need those things to survive... i lead my way.. my kind of life...

close the door... shut the world... do not disturb...
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 9:42 PM

Thursday, April 28, 2005

me or me?
wow... today de pe lesson was great... i am one fat guy that loves PE... hahaa... fit de lehx... haha... i completed my 2.4 in 12.25... yeahz... pass... haha... despite my spoilt legs... haha...its such a great improvement... haha... the last time i ran 5 rounds and came back at 12 plus... but today... i did 1 more round and the timing is good... haha... happy.... but still not good enough... chiong ar... haha...

hmmmm went to watch guohui de vball match... haha... it is forever so exciting sia... haha... cheer like siaox... hmmm die le la.. later no voice.. haha... oh think it was a great match despite some problems encountered in the first game... haha.... well done guohui... haha... can see ur leadership skills.... haha... (>.<)

er... today huimin confronted me sia... bout my behaviour... but... i am still going to stay like that ba... i know wat i am doing la.... dun worry too much ba.... i need time to forget.... dun worry.. things are getting better i suppose... but truthfully... it is so difficult...
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 8:01 PM

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

my existence...
well... once again i have been selected for college day de emcee.... haiz...
well test are coming le... how... so much to study... grrr.... i wan more time...

hmmm... recently... i have been behaving strangely... had some soul searching... i go everywhere all alone... not with the class.... not with the clique... mainly bcoz i am avoiding something...

well... it so happens that there are things that u wan to avoid when u think chances are low... never going to occur... u dun wan to see it... remember it ... think about it... however... it is still not easy....

hmmm... ya... i discovered something also... my existence is of low significance... it seems like no one cares.... maybe is i think too much or wat.... but... really think that... i need this change...
at times... u really feel like scolding that person... ok maybe not scold.. juz talk to that person... it so happens that that person will juz keep on talking... though i understand... but i still hope that person can realise this...

mainly i think i am under immense stress... i really dun wan to do badly for my test... i only got 4 for my ap gp assignment... sad... very very sad... i am a retainee... i cant afford to fail again...

so i am trying hard to forget this feeling... and it seems like... it is somehow working... getting used to this le.... still will think bout it... but at least i dun care that much now.... not going to show much concern for anyone le... i am a self centered.... selfish mugger.... argh!!!!

i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux i sux
~C|oUD~ [Noticed] 5:10 PM

h0zZhe